January 11, 2011

Last Sunday the talks were on the Proclamation on the Family and I got started thinking, again, about the challenges of starting a family and being a member of a family. It is the nature and disposition of nearly all people (to paraphrase Joseph Smith) to want things ‘their way’ and to think that their way is the obvious right way in any circumstance. And it is also our nature and disposition to resent those who either stand in our way or who think that our way may not be the best or only way to do something (i.e. our spouses). It seems that this is a lesson we are always relearning.




So is there a right way in family relationships? In some sense, there is, although the implementation of that way is likely to vary. Aristotle argued that there is one way to be right and infinite ways to be wrong (I think he must have read King Benjamin’s address). I have been reading the New Testament and recently read through the Sermon on the Mount again. As usual I am struck by how high the bar is set for us here. And how important the family environment is for learning how to implement Jesus’s teachings. Being meek, being a peacemaker, accepting persecution, turning the other cheek, going the extra mile, giving up our coat also, not judging, not getting angry, etc, etc. If you read the Sermon with your family relationships in mind you can find many opportunities for being more obedient to the Savior.



And in this context, I cannot help but think of section 121 as another guide to strengthening family relationships. How often we reprove but fail to show forth afterwards an increase of love. If we don’t know how to do the latter, maybe we should refrain from doing the former.



All of which brings me to the problem of selfishness, often condemned, and rightly so, as the source of most contention, especially in families. But here’s the deal. We must think of ourselves and our own happiness, and pursue it, even singlemindedly. The problem is that we have a feeble understanding of who we are and how to be happy. Here is the great key that the restored gospel provides us. We know at least the basic principles of the great plan of happiness, and we know who we are in that plan, and we know how to obtain that happiness of which Paul said ‘eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither hath it entered into the heart of man.’ If we believe these things, then we know that our happiness depends on our giving up our material interests to serve the needs of others. The selfishness that is the root of so much unhappiness arises from our natural tendency to equate happiness with our material interests, when they are not really even related. Comfort is not happiness, just as wickedness isn’t. A family is the best place to learn that the path to happiness is service to others.